Birth Videos (G-Rated)

Ainsley's first couple days...

November 16, 2012

And Silas'...

October 8, 2011

Embracing the mundane...

I have officially become one of those mothers that can’t stop posting pics of her children on facebook.  Unless your name starts with Grand and ends with Ma, I doubt anyone out there wants to see a billion pictures of my children!  I find myself checking facebook all throughout the day, as if somehow I’m going to miss something BIG happening, while I’m at home and in my sweats, changing diapers. 

I’ve started asking myself WHY I feel the need to get on facebook so much, and I’ve come to the realization it is an actual addiction.  Mr. Webster says that addiction is an “unusually great interest in something or a need to do or have something.”  I believe many people in 2013 have an internet addiction of some sort.  I for one love social networking, shopping online, reading blogs, finding new recipes, etc.   And now we do not even have to sit at a computer anymore.  The invention of the smartphone is the most amazing, yet destructive invention of all time.  We can literally access the world wide web on the john, at a stoplight (don’t do this!), at a restaurant, or in my world…

While my kids are playing

or eating

or napping

or…

It’s a constant temptation.  It’s true that my days are sometimes very mundane.  However, the constant checking of facebook brings a false sense of excitement and a false sense of community.  

My kids deserve a mom who is fully present.  

A mom that is attentive to their needs yet allows room for independence and growth. 

A mom that reads them books. 

A mom that cares more about impressing them with her singing of the ABC’s rather than impressing her facebook friends with cute pictures.  

I’ve heard people say I have the most smiley girl they’ve ever seen.  And yes, my sweet Ainsley does grin from ear to ear a lot!  But I think people have this false sense of reality that she’s this perfect baby who's never mad, because I always post the best pictures of her with her sweet smile.  Fact is, she does get mad and cry from time to time. Mainly when Mommy's not around, which is  endearing and annoying all at the same time.  Just wanted to set the record straight on my little Princess that she takes a break from smiling quite often. 

I am in no way bashing facebook.  I think it’s a fabulous way to stay connected.  But unfortunately, it’s become a ‘god’ in my life.  What’s the first thing I do when I wake up?  Scroll through the newsfeed catching up on all the news that I may have missed between midnight and 8am.  I am out of control.  And for that reason, I’m going to take a break from facebook.   I am not sure how long this hiatus will last.  Maybe a month?  Maybe indefinitely.  We shall see.  

My hope is to spend more time in the Word.   More time in prayer.  And more intentional time with my husband and kids.  I feel like my facebook/internet addiction puts a wedge in those relationships.  And I want to be proactive about changing my habits.

I plan on posting pictures and updates on my blog once in awhile for anyone that’s still interested.  And maybe Josh will post an occasional picture of our sweeties on facebook.  

PS:  I still don’t have the courage to delete Candy Crush, yet.   Yep.  I really am ridiculous!  

Anticipation

Oh the anticipation I was feeling 2 years ago. Just seeing the packed hospital bag sit there for a couple weeks was enough to put a little extra pep in my step.  Well, as much pep as physically possible being hugely pregnant.  

I was flooded with emotions.

Scared about pushing out a baby.  Eager to meet him.  Sad that my days with just my handsome groom were ending.  Nervous whether I was cut out for motherhood.  Excited to love and kiss my son. 

I was exploding with anticipation!   And then at 3:28pm the next day, this adorable little boy with a full head of hair was placed in my arms.  I remember looking down at his precious face and thanking Jesus for letting me be his Mommy.

The anticipation I felt the night before his birth did not do justice for the true joy he has brought in to our lives every day since then. 

For 9 months, I felt this little baby move inside of me.  I would talk to him, sing to him, and loved him already.  But then I got to meet him.  I held Silas and said, “It was you in there that whole time”. 

I believe the same will happen one day when as Christians, we get to meet our Lord and Savior.  No amount of anticipation will do justice.  If we think we love Him now, it will be magnified beyond comprehension when we get to see Him face to face!  

Come, Thou Long Expected Jesus.

Lord, help me to long for the day when we get to meet.  Help me to prepare earnestly and be a light for you.  Forgive me when fail.  I fail so often.  I want to know you in such a way that I can’t help but dwell on the day when your Glory is fully shown.  You are sovereign.  Help me to do your will. Thank you for blessing me in ways I don’t deserve.  I love you so much.

Spending Freeze

It’s no secret Josh and I are Dave Ramsey fans.  We aren’t as radical as we should be, but we do live a debt free lifestyle besides our mortgage.  Many times on his radio show, he’ll say, “My name is Dave Ramsey, and I like stuff,” as a way to relate to his callers.   Well…

My name is Rachelle, and I like stuff. 

I enjoy eating out occasionally.  I love picking up a shirt once in awhile from Target or an outfit for the munchkins. I love Scooters coffee drinks.   I could spend hours in Hobby Lobby or Homegoods. 

When I get out of the house on time with both kids in tow, I often reward myself by making a quick detour through the Scooters drive-thru.  It is the most delectable, smooth coffee drink $5 can get you.  Blended Caramelicious, no whip.  Try one.  It will change your life.  But anywho, I recently stumbled across a disturbing realization. While updating our finances and budget online, I happened to select all the transactions from my favorite coffee house in the last two years.  My jaw hit the floor.  

I pride myself in being a bargain shopper.  My mama taught me well.  I love the thrill of finding the "deal of the century".  I will come home, show Josh my purchases, and make him guess how much I spent.  He's learned to guess on the high end cause he knows I'll feel even more proud of my awesome deals. 

God has been working on my heart when it comes to the resources he has generously trusted us with.  

I approached Josh about an idea that had been on my heart and he was quick to jump on board.  We agreed on a spending freeze for the entire month of October.   No purchases allowed unless needed for survival.  A month of no eating out.  No QuikTrip tea for Josh.  No Scooters for me.   No new clothes or décor.    

No fun? :)

We were kid-free the last 2 days in September while the kids spent time with their grandparents.  We totally binged by eating out every single meal those 2 days.  Totally worth it. 

But here we are in October.  I’ve got a list of meals planned and 2 weeks worth of groceries.  Sure, our grocery bill will be higher (Sorry Dave, not opting for just rice and beans) but what joy I have in cooking delicious home-cooked meals for my family!

Praying for strength, a renewed sense of joy in the small things, and delighting in quality family time!  

Priorities...

I started a blog 6 months ago, made one post, and haven't written since.  Aw, such is life!  But anywho, wanted to share what's on my heart.

If you were to ask what my top 3 priorities are, I would rattle off a really nice, Sunday School like answer and say God 1st, Marriage 2nd, and Children 3rd.  But do my daily actions reflect this?  Sadly, the truthful answer is no.  In fact, most days I put them in reverse.  My kids get my best (sometimes), Josh gets my leftovers (if that), and God gets the crumbs (once in awhile).  

The balancing act of a Mom is far more tricky than I ever imagined.  These tiny little people, albeit gosh darn cute, take up a huge chunk of time and energy.  It's true that Mommyhood is the best and hardest job in the entire world.  I love my little munchkins more than they'll ever comprehend.  But it can be easy to let these little lives control us so much that other important areas, dare I say "even more important" areas get neglected.  

I'm not ashamed to say I married the best man in the whole wide world.  Yes, I married a sinner as did he, but I absolutely adore my husband.  He makes me laugh every single day.  He deals with my craziness with love and kindness... is an incredible Dad...  loves Jesus.  Need I say more?  But this sweet man I pledged my heart to has taken a backseat on so many occasions in the last 2 years.  It's easy to get comfortable in marriage and take one another for granted.  But this relationship needs nurtured and tended to daily.  If at the end of the day I feel like Super Mom but Awful Wife, then I have failed.  The best way to love my kids is to love their Dad.  Plain and Simple.  What greater gift could we give Silas & Ainsley than to show them what a God-glorifying covenant marriage looks like?  

Jesus said, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.  This is the first and greatest commandment."  Man oh man, do I struggle with THE most important relationship in my life.  My Heavenly Father sent his one and only Son to die for me, and yet I struggle carving out time to spend with him everyday?!?  I'm so undeserving of the grace and love he pours out on me.  My most important task as a Mom is to lead my children to the knowledge and understanding of God's love for them.  Taking them to church, singing 'Jesus Loves Me', and reading books about Jesus isn't enough.  They need a Mom and Dad who live out their faith every single day.  They need to witness firsthand what an authentic relationship with Christ looks like.  I am so far from where I need to be.  

Lord, help me to seek your face every single day and to put you first before anything else.  

Wouldn't change a thing...

If you would've told me 3 years ago that right now I'd be a Mommy of 2 children, I would've said you are out of your mind!  I've always been a planner.  I love making lists.  I like to be in control.  And yet when you see a positive pregnancy test when your baby boy is only 4 months old, it's a major wake up call that God has the steering wheel (and a major sense of humor!)

I've been pondering this a lot the last week, probably because my sweet Ainsley is 4 months old.  While I certainly don't want to repeat history, I am reminded of what precious blessings God has entrusted to Josh and I.  As a parent, I struggle daily with the reality that Silas and Ainsley are just on loan to me for awhile.  But, I find reassurance that their Heavenly Father loves them even more than I do, which is pretty hard to fathom!  His ways are perfect and so whatever plan God has in store for my children, I have to trust that He knows best.  

If I'm going to be honest, having babies so close in age has come with many emotions, good and bad.  I mourned the time I "lost" with Silas.  It's still something I struggle with, especially in the moments I'm tending to Ainsley but Silas really wants his Mommy.  There are days I feel like I only do 2 things: diaper and feed my children.  And who knew that getting a morning shower would feel like such an accomplishment! 

Not many people know this but my emotions have been on a roller coaster since having Ainsley.  Many women experience the "Baby Blues" after having a baby, but that feeling seemed to last longer than normal.  After speaking with my doctor, it became evident I was dealing with postpartum depression.  The last thing you want people to know after giving birth to a healthy baby is that you're dealing with depression, and yet that's where I found myself.  It's embarrassing and yet a very real thing that many Moms experience.  I just never expected to be one of those Moms.  Here I was, with 2 beautiful children and a loving/supportive husband, and battling depression.  I've been on meds for a couple months and I'm having more good days than bad.  Going through this is one more reminder that I'm not in control.   My prayer for the last year or so has been for God to soften my heart and I specifically asked him for something to happen, be it good or bad, that would make me fall to my knees and rely on Him more.  I think He's using this battle with depression to do just that.  

But...  I've also been overcome with joy as I watch Silas hug and kiss his sister, see them smile, read them books, see Silas' personality blossom each day, hear Ainsley start to giggle, watch Josh with them, take them for walks, snuggle them, the list goes on and on.  As I listen to Silas through the monitor stir in his crib and hear Ainsley's sweet little snores beside me, I am left with this conclusion...

I wouldn't change a thing.

New at this...

Helloooooo!   I may be the only one who reads this blog, which is perfectly okay.  I started a blog as an avenue for me to share thoughts, feelings, pictures, family memories, political rants, ideas, etc...  In no way would I say I'm a gifted writer, but there have been times I've felt the need to express my thoughts in writing so now I have a platform to do just that!  

Love and Blessings!